


Jailbreak

by catbeans



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Historical AU, M/M, Trans Luke, alcohol mention, goldrush au, more prompt fills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbeans/pseuds/catbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke just had to pick something up at the station and go, Han had other plans (mostly not spending his night in a cell).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i asked for some more prompts bc i was stuck on my actual wips (after one of them DISAPPEARED) bc Every Time im like "getting something short out will be a great way to get back into gear for the real stuff!" and Every Time it gets longer than i meant it to and i get invested in an au i hadnt even rly thought of before and then suddenly  
> (on tumblr http://hansolosbi.tumblr.com/post/144283940609/skysolo-goldrush-au-han-is-a-miner-luke-is-the)

Luke waited until the door to his father’s office was shut and there was silence from the other side before he lit a small lamp on the corner of the desk.

It was late, and the liquor from a few buildings down could knock out an elephant (or so it was said, and he believed it), but the cells just down the hall were almost full and that wasn’t a crowd he wanted to wake up. His father just needed one file, some business with a property dispute that ended in gunshots, and then he could leave. He found it without trouble, exactly where he’d been told it would be, and he was anxious enough to leave he almost forgot to blow the lamp out before slipping back out the door.

He realized his mistake almost as soon as the door shut; his eyes were already adjusted to the dark on his way in from the walk over, but the lamp had left his vision splotchy and vague and his heart dropped to toes at the _clang_ from his knee knocking the fire extinguisher against the wall.

He froze. The station was, for the most part, just one big room with holding cells at one end and his fathers office on the other, and there was nothing blocking the sound from reaching the men who had been taken in earlier from the fight at the bar. His ears strained.

Nothing.

He waited another minute or two–five? More? He lost track–just to be safe, to let his eyes adjust as much as he could, and then he carefully, quietly made his way to the front door.

“Hey.”

Luke almost swore, and he froze again, finding himself hoping whoever had spoken would forget he was there if he was just quiet enough.

“Hey, you heard me.”

Luke turned his head and squinted, and he could make out a figure waving him over from one of the cells not too far from him.

“ _Hey_.”

“Would you be quiet?” Luke winced as soon as the words were out, louder than he’d intended them, but the man’s voice kept getting louder too each time he opened his mouth, he had to do _something_. “I have to go.”

He could see the figure press up against the bars, and now he’d been in the dark room long enough he could almost make out a face, he had to suppress the “ _oh_ ” threatening to bubble up. The silhouette was enough to help him recognize the voice he hadn’t been able to place at first. Overheard conversations at the bar, eyes that seemed to follow him around, warm hands a little too close the handful of times they had actually spoken, a jawline he couldn’t get out of his mind and a stare that made him feel like his chest was opening up.

He breathed in deep and sighed through his nose and padded over to the cell as quietly as he could manage; his skin felt prickly with the worry that someone else might wake up, hair standing up at the back of his neck.

Closer up, only a few feet between him and the bars, he could smell the alcohol, on that man’s breath and on his clothes, and if he looked just off to the side it looked like a bruise was forming under his eye.

“What do you want?” Luke whispered, and he shuffled another step closer to make sure neither of them would have to raise their voices. “…Solo?”

“Han.” He didn’t seem to care as much about the volume, his voice low and rumbling. “I know _you_.“ He shifted his weight around so his face was pressed between two of the bars and Luke thought he could see a grin in the dark. “You always seemed like a charitable kinda guy…”

“No.”

“I didn’t even suggest anything yet.”

“I’m not letting you out.”

Luke heard a huff and what sounded like a small hiccup before Han spoke again.

“I shouldn’t really be in here anyway,” Han said, slowly and deliberately. “I didn’t start a damn thing, your old man has it out for me.”

Luke paused, took a breath, couldn’t help but notice the weight of the keys at his hip.

“Can’t imagine why.”

“You could if you put your mind to it.”

That made him hesitate, an unexpected answer in an unexpected tone. Part of him brushed it off as Han being drunk; part of him filed it away.

“I’ll owe you,” Han said, interrupting his train of thought.

“I know none of y’all’ve made any sort of real find recently, don’t try to bribe.”

“You’re making assumptions.”

Luke’s heart pounded in his ears. He heard a shuffle a few cells down, and both he and Han went silent until the room was quiet again. “I should go.”

“Heyheyhey, no.” Han’s hand went out towards him through the bars before he pulled it back again. “I just want something cold for this,” he pleaded, gesturing towards his face. “Please?”

Luke swallowed. “Why should I?”

Han stood up a little straighter. “I didn’t start a _thing_.” 

“A fight’s a fight.”

“Fair.” He shifted again so he was leaning against the bar, head tilted towards Luke. “But I was _defendin_ ’ myself. And I got things to do with this face that don’t include my eye swelling up like a grape.”

Luke absently bit the inside of his cheek and willed away a tight feeling in his chest. “Anyone can say self defense, I still dunno why I should believe you.”

“‘Cause,” Han started slowly, and Luke felt like he was being stared straight through, “I’m _honorable_.”

Luke snorted. “Honorable.”

“ _Listen_ ,” Han hissed, starting to sound agitated. “I was keeping it short so _you_ could get outta here faster too, but if you need a rundown then _fine_. Some sluicer jackass made some, ah, _comments_ about that sister of yours, and I said if he knew what was good for him he’d quit it–you heard about that one guy’s wrist? Yeah–and, uh, so it goes.” Han waved his hand vaguely towards the end and cleared his throat.

Luke believed that. Her reputation was more than deserved. “So you got in a fight with him ‘cause you, what, like my sister? You’re really making a case for yourself.”

“ _No_. I didn’t start that fight, I told you.” Han moved again so his whole body was against the bars, as close to Luke as he could get. “C’mere.”

“What?”

“Just come here.” He was whispering, like he just now decided to worry about the rest of the people in the room who could wake up any time. Luke took the last couple steps until he couldn’t be more than a foot from Han. “So this guy. This guy’s got a few more choice words and I think, you know, I’m just here to have a good time, okay, I don’t need to bother with this, so I mind my own business, right, but he’s still right there and he starts talking with his buddies.”

Luke had leaned in a little more to hear better, Han’s voice slurring every few words. That close up he could see the cracked trail of dried blood from Han’s nose, a line that looked like a split lip, and he made a decision, but Han continued before he could do anything.

“Starts some shit about being scared of a girl and I’m like, pal, it’s called self preservation, I like keeping my bones where they are with whoever I’m talking about, you know, and _then_.” Han stopped to clear his throat again, shifting his weight around. His tongue touched to the bloody part of his lip for a second and Luke grit his teeth. 

“You punched him?”

“No, don’t interrupt.” Han had to take a second to get himself back on track. “He, uh, didn’t like my saying _that_ so much, had some more to say to _me_ , he shoved me, I was, uh, _leaving_ , you know, better things to do, and then he said I was probably a fairy.”

Luke’s breath caught in his throat.

“ _Then_ I punched him.”

It was chilly–cold desert nights in a glorified barn, it wasn’t unusual–but Luke felt prickly and hot.

“Kid, my face hurts, come on.”

Luke took a shaky breath and nodded, fumbling for the keys and desperately trying not to let them clank together, and Han grinned again. The split lip left him a little lopsided. Luke’s shoulders stiffened up.

Neither of them said anything when the key was in the lock, holding their breaths and praying it stayed quiet enough no one would know what they were doing. Luke pulled it open with a creak, and they froze, but no one else made a sound, and eventually Han slipped through the space Luke had made and waited until the door was shut and locked again. Both of them let out a breath they didn’t realize they’d been holding.

Luke’s heart was pounding in his ears still as he padded to the door, Han close behind him. He got his head out the doorway to check that the street was clear before he heard a shuffle, something mumbled too far behind him to be Han, and then there were hands pushing at his back and a body close enough to feel the warmth through the back of his shirt and he _bolted_.

He heard the door knock shut, heard Han close by, and he swerved to get around the side of whatever building he’d run past. Han followed.

Both of them were breathing heavy but Luke peeked his head around the corner of the wall; no one seemed to be coming after them or looking to see what any noise was, and he almost laughed with relief, adrenaline ringing. He turned and slumped back against the wall.

Outside, the moon was bright enough he could see Han more clearly then, leaning against the wall not too far from him. His smile was still off center, compensating for the bloody spot, but his eyes were bright and crinkled at the corners in a way that made Luke’s knees feel gooey.

“Do you think anyone saw?”

Han huffed a laugh. “No.” He let his legs buckle, and he slid down the wall to the dusty ground.

Luke did too, and he knew he should care more about the dirt on his clothes, no excuse of being drunk, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

“I gotta go back and lock the door…” Luke realized with a groan, and he almost pushed himself back upright but Han’s hand clapped down on his shoulder, heavy and warm and squeezing just a little, enough to keep him in place.

“Give it a minute.”

Luke nodded breathlessly. Han’s hand didn’t move for another few seconds. The air felt so thick.

His breathing got back to normal before his heart rate did, still tight in his throat and getting tighter the longer he sat there with Han.

 _Say **something**._ “So what was it you were saying you’d owe me?”

Han turned so he was almost fully facing Luke, and suddenly his face felt hot. Stupid, stupid.

An expression flashed across Han’s face that Luke couldn’t pinpoint, but other than that he was still, staring right through Luke. He gestured with two fingers for Luke to come closer.

He did. If he could smell the alcohol on Han’s breath before, he could practically taste it now.

“I had a few ideas,” Han said, trailing off, quietly as he had while they were still inside, and Luke almost missed Han’s eyes dip down, and then back up to his. Luke’s whole body felt prickly again.

“Like–?”

Luke was cut off by Han’s mouth against his, lips chapped but soft and slow and coppery and Luke couldn’t help the small sound at the back of his throat. Han pulled back just enough for a shallow breath, still close enough that their noses bumped together, and Han smiled again, softer this time than before. Luke didn’t move away. He didn’t think he could if he wanted to, like he was glued to the spot.

“Like that, I guess,” Han said, and he leaned in again, bringing a hand up to cup Luke’s jaw, and Luke _melted_.

He didn’t mean for the tip of his tongue to run over the raw crack on Han’s bottom lip but Han nearly groaned, teeth dragging over Luke’s lip as he pulled back again. Luke tried not to frown.

“This, hell,” Han started, but his hand slipped around to the back of Luke’s neck with just enough pressure to bring him close enough to kiss again until Han had to breathe. “This isn’t the place.”

Luke wanted to protest but he knew Han was right, and he tried to ignore the icy feeling that came with acknowledging that, just nodding wordlessly. Han’s eyebrows furrowed together and he pressed a kiss to Luke’s forehead.

“Come on, up.” Han pulled himself upright using the wall for balance, still a little wobbly, and held out a hand for Luke. “You still gotta lock up.”

Luke took his hand; he was in a daze, and he’d almost forgotten.

Han stepped past him–a hand on Luke’s hip, oh god–to look out past the wall, checking no one was there, and Luke took his cue once Han went back into the street. It was quiet.

Han gave Luke’s shoulder a soft nudge in the direction of the station, but before he could get very far Luke felt Han’s hand drop to give his own a small squeeze.

“I’m gonna see you around,” Han said, and he turned to walk in the opposite direction, and even while he walked away Luke felt like he was buzzing from the promise in that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han said they would see each other again and he's a man of his word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasnt gonna keep luke trans in this one cuz like,,,,1800s you know but then i was like nah! if strange empire can do it and be a real tv show so can i  
> might keep going w this its cute

_“I’m gonna see you around.”_

The words echoed around Luke’s head for the good part of a week, distracting enough to make him drop things on two separate occasions if he let his mind wander; he couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of Han’s hand squeezing his just before they went in their separate directions, or the coppery taste of his kisses from the split lip, or what it would feel like to kiss him without that.

On the seventh day he decided he had to let it go.

He had spent three days taking the long way to get to the station, passing the houses rented out to whatever miners were in town at the time, with no sign of Han anywhere. Luke didn’t know what he would say even if he did see him.

He saw Han the day after that, though—he was running an errand for his father, a stack of papers in his hands he was already running late to deliver, when a dozen or so miners passed him going in the opposite direction.

Han looked exhausted, the brim of his hat low and his face smeared with enough dirt Luke almost didn’t recognize him in the crowd of faces just as dirty as his.

They made eye contact, Han’s eyes went wide, and they both kept walking without a word.

Luke decided he had to stop passing the miners’ houses.

That night at the cells had to have been a fluke; Han was drunk, and he wanted to get out of spending the night in jail. That had to be it.

But Han had only kissed him after he was already out, a small, frustratingly optimistic part of Luke reasoned to himself. Even before that, Han didn’t have to tell him he got in a fight because someone called him a fairy, he could have ended the story without that. Luke had already decided to let him out anyway.

He couldn’t get his head around it.

Luke had resigned himself to not knowing, and maybe never knowing, by the eighth day. This wasn’t something he could talk about, likely not even with Han, so he left it at that as best he could.

It was a slow day, the cells miraculously empty and quiet, and Luke’s father had left him to be a warm body in his office and lock up when it was time to leave.

He sat in the doorway with a sandwich and a jug of water, airing out the station in the cooler evening air once the sun had gotten low in the sky, turning everything a soft, warm yellow, when he heard heavy footsteps in the dirt stop a few feet away from him.

“If you need I can get–” he said, assuming it was someone looking for his father, but the words caught in his throat as soon as he looked up. “Um.”

Han’s hair was windswept and messy but his face was too clean to have just finished working, his clothes too free of fresh dust. He looked at Luke like he was solving a puzzle.

“Do you…” Luke started, clearing his throat. “Do you need something?”

Han’s eyebrow twitched and he huffed a laugh through his nose. “You got some free time?”

Luke hesitated, anxiety growing heavy in his chest. “Yes.”

Han looked at him expectantly and it took Luke a second to realize he meant for him to follow, and he scrambled up to leave the jug inside where it wouldn’t get stolen and lock the door behind him.

He had to jog a few steps to catch up with Han, trying to get a good look at his face without being obvious. It was a trained sort of blank. Luke took a deep breath and forced his eyes away again.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Han checking over his shoulder every so often, and when they got to where the scattered buildings made way for the woods he looked at Han again.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere quiet,” Han said, fishing a bag of tobacco out of his pocket and pulling out a cigarette he must have rolled earlier. “No privacy in those houses, y’know, gets loud as hell.” They both stopped for a second so he could get a crumpled matchbook out, and if Luke hadn’t been paying attention he would have missed that Han’s fingers were shaking. “Just needed a break.”

Han glanced over his shoulder one more time before they kept walking, and as soon as they were in the trees Han veered off to the left, tugging Luke with him with a hand on his shoulder.

Luke felt like he should say something, but he still didn’t know what, and Han wasn’t giving him much to go off of. They went back to walking in silence, the only sound around them from some faraway birds and sticks crunching under their boots.

Han stopped for a second to look around, and then he turned again, leading Luke on some invisible path he seemed to know.

Luke was about to ask him where, exactly, they were actually going, ‘somewhere quiet’ not being much of an answer, when the trees spread out some, and through the clearing Luke could see the edge of a stream.

He knew where they were then, remembering a few months back when it was agreed that panning for gold there was hopeless, explaining Han’s sense of direction.

They kept going a few more yards until Han sat down on a wide stone a couple feet from the water, scooting over to leave just enough room for Luke to sit next to him.

He did, and their arms touched, and Luke couldn’t suppress a shiver.

Neither of them said anything still; Han’s cigarette had gone out, and he rolled it between his fingers like he just needed something to do with his hands.

Luke felt a little better knowing he wasn’t the only nervous one. If Han had found him just to tell him to forget about that night, he could have done it a while earlier. Luke didn’t have as much to lose as Han did if they were found out, but he still let Han out of the cell, and accusing Han of anything eight days after it happened would cast enough suspicion that it wouldn’t make sense for Luke to say anything. Han didn’t seem the type to be so anxious over a chance so slim.

Luke was startled out of his train of thought by the sound of a frog jumping into the water, and his heart hammered uncomfortably against his ribcage.

Han cleared his throat and lit the cigarette again. “Thank you for letting me out, last week,” he said, a kind of steady that sounded rehearsed. He took a drag and breathed out slowly, bumping his shoulder against Luke’s and holding the cigarette out for him.

He took it, even though he didn’t smoke, and their knuckles brushed together longer than was strictly necessary.

Luke took a shallow enough drag to keep from coughing, and he nodded awkwardly, glancing sideways at Han. He looked away, but not before Luke could tell Han had been looking at _him_ first.

“Don’t mention it,” Luke said, as evenly as he could. He could feel the warmth of Han’s shoulder against his through their shirts.

The corner of Han’s mouth twitched upwards for just a second, but he didn’t say anything, and Luke felt like he was going to burst soon.

He handed the cigarette back to Han, and their fingers touched even longer than the first time, and then Luke couldn’t stop the words from coming out.

“Why did you say my father has it out for you?”

Han let out a startled laugh and looked at him straight on this time, looking more surprised than he had when Luke let him out of the cell that night.

“Seems to think I’m out to corrupt his protégé,” Han said sarcastically, bringing the cigarette to his lips again and slowly breathing the smoke out through his nose. “He’s made some implications I should be leaving you alone. Put two and two together.” He shrugged.

Luke’s heartbeat sped up, and he turned so he was facing Han. “Does he know…?” he started, but he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. _Does he know we kissed? Does he know you wanted to kiss me? Does he know that the women who work near the miners’ houses never seem to mention you?_

Han frowned. “I wouldn’t say he does specifically.” He looked away from Luke then, down at his hands and the cigarette burning itself away between his fingers. “Just doesn’t have much reason to like me, thinks I like you, doesn’t like _that_.”

The pit of anxiety in Luke’s chest was gone, his heart still racing for a different reason. “He thinks you like me.”

“Mhmm.”

“And?”

Han turned to face him, and Luke’s breathing got a little heavier; they were so close, Han’s eyes staring through him, making him feel like he did that night, sitting in the dark in the dirt with the moonlight making the blood on Han’s face look black.

Luke opened his mouth to say something, get out of this somehow, he had to have read this wrong, but then Han’s lips were on his, a hand gently gripping his upper arm like Han thought he would disappear otherwise.

Luke was too startled to reciprocate for a second, only realizing this when Han stiffened up and started to pull away, hand slipping from Luke’s arm.

He pushed forward too fast and their teeth knocked together, but Luke could feel him let out a sigh of relief, moving his hand from Luke’s arm to wind around his waist and pull them closer together, and Luke couldn't help the small sound in his throat as he shifted to get an arm around Han’s shoulders.

Without the coppery taste of a split lip Han tasted faintly of cigarettes and the hint of a couple drinks earlier, but mostly like nothing, just warm and so much softer than he would have expected.

Luke didn't have enough experience kissing people-- _really_ kissing them, more than a peck between childhood friends or when someone drunkenly took a temporary, financially motivated interest in him at the bar--to know the right way to breathe through his nose, to keep from having to pull away at all. When he did their noses were still bumping, Han’s breath warm against his chin, and Luke’s fingers curled around the worn-soft fabric of Han’s shirt.

Neither of them pulled back; Han’s arm around his waist tightened slightly, his other hand coming up to Luke’s jaw, fingertips brushing through his hair when Luke tilted his head up to kiss him again. He could hear the dropped cigarette sizzle away in a puddle.

They both pulled back with a start at the sharp sound of a twig snapping somewhere behind them, Han’s hand suddenly dropping from Luke’s neck. There wasn’t enough room on the rock for either of them to move more than a couple inches apart, and Luke’s heart was hammering so hard in his chest he felt dizzy.

“Wait,” Han mouthed silently, but Luke didn’t think he’d be able to do or say anything even if he tried. If they’d been any farther apart Luke would have missed Han’s head shifting almost imperceptibly to follow the sound, but there wasn’t any.

Luke could feel the hair at the back of his neck stand on end.

Han stood up abruptly and turned to look behind him, almost knocking Luke over, and there was the scattered sound of something bolting through the leaves as soon as he was upright. He nearly collapsed back down to the rock, leaning heavily against Luke again, and he could feel Han shaking where their shoulders were touching.

“It was just, just a fucking rabbit or something,” Han said, breathless and relieved, but it didn’t shake the prickly feeling all over Luke’s skin. They were seated facing different directions now, and when Han turned his head to look at Luke they were so close his eyes started to cross a little. “We should…” he started, trailing off with a sigh of relief, kissing Luke softly instead of finishing his sentence.

Luke pulled himself away after a few seconds with a small, torn sound at the back of his throat. “What if it’s not a rabbit next time?”  
Han frowned, but it looked more concerned than frustrated or put out. He took one of Luke’s hands in his, rubbing his thumb over Luke’s knuckles. “Let’s go.”

He stood up and stepped over the rock so he could hold a hand out for Luke. His hand stayed holding Luke’s, tugging him in the direction of the water, and he didn’t let go when they started walking upstream.

Han’s hands were warm and rough with callouses, dwarfing Luke’s in comparison. He glanced over his shoulder once, and he looked up at the sky before stopping and giving Luke’s hand a squeeze.

“We’ve still got some time,” he said, sitting down in the grass and pulling Luke with him.

Luke hadn’t realized quite how long the shadows had gotten while they were on the rock, and he felt a sharp pang of anxiety at the thought that his father might wonder where he had been, might find out he was with Han.

His arm around Luke’s waist, pulling them flush together, snapped him out of that train of thought; Han leaned in close enough Luke could feel his lips moving against his jaw.

“You okay?”

Luke nodded, tilting his head so they could kiss again. He liked kissing Han more than he wished he did. This was going to be harder not to think about than one night, just a few minutes with him.

It started out slow and soft, like before, but it wasn’t long before the kiss got deeper and Han’s arm tightened around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. Luke couldn’t help the soft moan bubbling from his chest when Han’s teeth scraped his bottom lip; Luke liked how it felt when Han smiled against him.

Han pulled back slightly, and before Luke could even open his eyes he was being tugged haphazardly into Han’s lap, but his balance was all off and neither of them were at the right angle for it to work, and Luke found himself toppling over on top of Han.

He liked what Han’s laugh sounded like almost as much as he liked kissing him.

There were already leaves in Han’s hair but he didn’t seem to notice or care, hands sliding down to Luke’s hips. His chest felt warm.

“Sometime,” Han said quietly, eyes darting down to Luke’s lips and then back up again, “m’gonna get you away from that office earlier. Won’t have any hurry.”

A shiver went up Luke’s spine. “Yeah,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss him again.

Han hummed, squeezing Luke’s hips and kissing him back, deepening the kiss again after a few seconds. Luke relaxed so most of his bodyweight was on Han, pressed as close together as they could be, and Han stopped for a second.

Luke’s first assumption was that he was leaning too heavily on Han, maybe he was having trouble breathing, but then it was like getting struck by lightning and Luke pushed himself up and away, not stopping until there was the space of a few feet between them.

Luke’s heart was hammering for a completely different reason than before.

Han sat up but didn’t move towards Luke.

Both of them were silent, and seconds started feeling like hours.

“I’m,” Luke started, but his chest was so tight it felt like the words couldn’t get through. “I’m sorry.” It came out barely louder than a whisper. “I have to, I have to go.”

Luke shakily got to his feet but Han beat him to it, finally moving towards him and grabbing Luke’s wrist before he could pull away, his hand gentle but sturdy.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“I have to _go_ –”

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

Luke stared at him and sucked in a deep breath; Han was still holding onto his wrist, and he still hadn’t tried to pull away. He felt frozen.

“Sit down,” Han said quietly. “Please.”

Luke shook his head.

“Then tell me.”

Luke could feel himself shaking, and Han must have too, because he slipped his hand down to Luke’s and gave it a soft squeeze.

Luke looked away from him, biting the inside of his cheek.

Han took a step closer. “What was that all about?”

“I can’t…” Luke had to take a few deep breaths before he could speak again, and he had to tilt his head up slightly to fully face Han again. “I can’t do this, no one can know—”

As soon as the words were out Luke wished he could suck them back in again.

Han looked confused for a second. “Nobody’s going to find out we were here.”

“That’s not,” Luke started, and he huffed and desperately searched for the words to get out of this, but there weren’t any. “That isn’t what I meant.”

Han had that look like he was solving a puzzle again, and Luke could see his shoulders move with a sigh. He sat down, his hand still holding Luke’s; he didn’t have it in him to pull away again, letting Han tug him down.

Luke caught Han’s eyes shift down towards his chest, just a fraction of a second, and he bristled. There wasn’t going to be a way out of this conversation.

“Tell me what you meant,” Han said, fingertips rubbing over Luke’s palm.

“Seems to me you already guessed it,” Luke snapped, sounding harsher than he’d intended.

Han’s hand still didn’t leave his own.

Luke let out a frustrated sigh. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

Luke felt like he was frozen in place, not even able to look away from Han. They both stared, silent, until Luke took another deep breath, forcing the words out of himself. “I’m not a _girl_.”

“I know.”

It was Luke’s turn to look confused, however much he tried not to. “But you just…”

Han shrugged a little awkwardly, his expression apologetic. “Never meant to imply you’re anything you’re not,” he said. “Just. Looking for some explanation. If you’re looking to give it.”

Luke felt suddenly deflated, like the only thing holding him together before had been tension that was finally disappearing.

“Okay.” Luke took another deep breath, and he nodded to himself, looking down at Han’s hand holding his.

Han shifted a bit so they were facing each other straight on, and he took Luke’s other hand in his, squeezing both reassuringly.

“They thought I was, um. You know.” Luke looked back up at Han then, and he nodded for him to continue. “I was supposed to be, I guess. I didn’t mind so much at first, but.” His chest felt tight, but Han was still looking at him just as warmly as before, rubbing his thumbs over Luke’s knuckles, and he made himself keep going. “It didn’t feel right, you know, like…like acting, only I couldn’t take the costume off.”

Han squeezed both his hands, and his face had that trained sort of blankness again.

It was like the words started tumbling out then, like Han had broken some levee keeping the words festering in his chest, and Luke couldn’t seem to shorten his explanation.

“A friend let me borrow his clothes sometimes. He got it as best he could, I think. Sometimes we would go into town and tell people I was his cousin.”

Luke shivered, and he couldn’t tell if it was the chill or the stress.

“My father found out, though.”

Han’s steady face finally fell, and he held Luke’s hands tighter.

“He found out every time he thought he’d gotten me to stop, too,” Luke continued. “This went on a few years. When he brought us here, for this job, I think he gave up. It would have been easier to just let it be, than to wait for me to start again. He knew I wasn’t going to stop, I’d started making the clothes myself.”

Han huffed out a laugh, and Luke looked up, surprised, but Han’s eyes were crinkled at the corners, the way Luke was starting to realize was just how he smiled sometimes.

“Stubborn kid.”

Luke couldn’t help but smile back at him then.

“So he let you be, uhm… _you_ after that.”

Luke’s chest felt warm, and he nodded.

“I think he knew if he didn’t, and I kept going on like I was, someone would find out. It would make him look bad. Having a son would look better anyway.” He shrugged. “Now the story is I was just a sick kid who didn’t grow all that much.”

Luke looked back to their hands, and the size difference didn’t bother him like it had a bit before. He liked how Han’s hands felt around his. “He’s probably just disappointed it wasn’t Leia, she’s always been the tough one.” Luke tried to laugh, but it came out bitter and flat, and he regretted saying it almost immediately.

Both of them were quiet for a few seconds.

“Well,” Han started eventually, leaning forward so their faces were only a few inches apart. Luke had to resist the urge to push Han’s hair back from his eyes. “ _I’m_ glad it was you, whatever that counts for.”

If Luke’s chest had felt warm before, he thought, it was nothing to this, with Han so close and Luke’s hands still in his, no dangerous secret between them like before.

“I think it counts,” Luke murmured, just before tilting his chin up to kiss Han, finally pulling one hand away and up to Han’s shoulder, fingers curling in the hair brushing the back of his neck.

The position they were in was a little awkward, sitting across from each other like that, knees bumping when they tried to get closer. Han reached for him like he wanted to pull Luke into his lap again, but the moment they stopped kissing Han swore under his breath.

“It’s getting late,” he said, eyes half-lidded and too close to Luke for his eyes to focus, and he couldn’t help kissing Luke again before he stood, holding a hand out to help him up. “You better be getting back.”

Luke had completely forgotten the time restraint; he frowned, and Han kissed it away, pulling Luke close against his chest. Luke had to lean up a bit on his toes to reach.

Their fingers were linked loosely as they made their way back, following the stream until they got to the rock, and Luke silently let Han lead the way from there. It was just dark enough to have to take it slow to avoid falling, and even though it meant he would have to come up with some explanation for where he had been, Luke found himself thankful for the extra time.

He could make out buildings through the trees when they stopped for a second, and Han gave his hand a small squeeze before dropping it. Luke wished he had taken the chance to kiss him again before they got too close for it to be safe.

Han squinted towards the buildings, still far enough that they could see town without being visible themselves, and Luke had to bite back a yelp when Han suddenly tugged him behind a wide tree.

“Is someone–?”

“No.” Han’s hands were at Luke’s hips when he kissed him one last time, quick and soft but still enough to make Luke shiver. “Just sayin’ goodbye.”

Luke smiled and leaned up to kiss him again, and then Han took a step back so he would be able to sneak out from between him and the tree.

“You should go first,” Han said, giving Luke a push at the small of his back. “I’ll give it a minute.”

Luke nodded, biting his lip to keep from going back to kiss Han again. He was right, earlier, in thinking he liked kissing Han more than was good for him.

He took a few steps towards town, looking over his shoulder, and he could just barely hear Han’s quiet, “I’ll find you again soon.”

His lips and his fingers felt tingly the entire walk home.


End file.
